#But Not Alcohol

[luzura-the-princess-witch]

Y’all ever just come up with some crazy shit to make drinking more fun?

Like I’ll have some cranberry juice and pretend it’s red wine and I’m a monarch sitting sluttily on an ornately hand carved dark oak throne drinking to sooth my worries and pondering how to get my kingdom out of debt.

I’m holding my warm mug of fresh tea with honey. In my mind I’m an ancient witch sitting inside my greenhouse, watching two frogs hop merrily together outside. I think fondly on the times when I took evening sunlit strolls with a blonde-haired maiden who stole my heart.

I’m drinking a glass of orange juice. After a 16 year journey through space I finally reached the once thought desolate planet, and found it teeming with life. But I knew the nature of mankind, to destroy. I write a false log claiming the planet exponentially uninhabitable, and am taking the knowledge to my grave. I slowly sip on the toxic neon orange poison I found deep in a cavern, waiting patiently for it to consume me. Thoughts of the life, the family I left behind for the advancement of humanity. But now I throw myself in between humanity and a possible golden age, because I know what happens after the golden age.

I drink milk and I’m a c a t and I ✨lick✨

[astronomalyy]

parenting

[robin-writes-and-such]

Haven’t read the Book of Bill but this is what I think the general premise is based off of all the Tumblr posts about it

[prokopetz]

The funny thing to me about those "the combat drugs we give to the mech pilots make you grow boobs" hornyposts is that this legitimately is a known side effect of a wide range of drugs and medications. Just about any non-trivial chemical imbalance can potentially make you grow boobs. Breast growth is a known symptom of alcoholism. Some male bodybuilders experience female-typical breast development as a side effect of steroid use. Even kidney problems can induce breast growth. The human body is evidently just itching to grow boobs!

[mostly-funnytwittertweets]

[asteroidtroglodyte]

5 years ago, I was in Rehab.

10 years ago, I was watching my Potential and Opportunities dissolve and evaporate in an ocean of cheap gin and expensive whiskey.

But 5 years ago, I was in Rehab.

One of the exercises they had us perform was to imagine ourselves happy, 5 years in the future.

Many of us in that room had forgotten how to imagine nice things happening to them. A few snorted (well, I snorted), finding the notion that we’d even still be around in 5 years grimly humorous.

For about half of us, it was the last stop on the way down.

But I indulged the therapist. I was there, after all, because I did not want to die. So, I imagined myself, 5 years hence.

Happy.

It came to me all at once; an artistic remix on Norman Rockwell’s Freedom From Want, reframed with myself placing food at the table.

Sunday Dinner At My Place, I answered, when it came my turn to share my fantasy. I was asked what food I imagined eating.

It’s not the meal itself, I said, it’s the implications framed around it. Sunday Dinner At My Place means that I have a Place. It means that I have Family that will actually speak to me and friends who actually want to see me. It means money enough not just to feed myself but others too. It means having the time to spare to take the time preparing the meal.

A lot of nodding heads all around me. A struck chord. Many people with no Place, in that place. Nowhere that would lament their leaving.

5 years hence, as I lay down to sleep in my Home, with my Wife and my Son, surrounded by my Art and my Flowers, I reflect.

It was a long road. It was hard. We lost people. So many people. There were long days and long nights and hospital stays. Angry arguments with ghosts. I changed, in ways I never hoped for, or expected. Good ways, finally, for once. Slowly, against the backdrop of a world in chaos, I found my mind.

Sometimes, My Wife wondered aloud, what she did to deserve me. After some stumbling with my feelings, I eventually settled on an answer.

I’m a Rescue.

She gave me a Home.

And, so, I gave her a Family.

It seemed fair

This Sunday, my folks, which whom I have not had a shouting match in years, will come over for dinner. We will cook and eat together. My Friend became My Wife, and she took a piece of me and with it she made Our Son. There will be many hugs, and no violence. Good Things Happened.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t know what the future holds.

don’t give up yet, ok?

It could get good, even.

[professorcalculusstanaccount]

as newspapers today dont tend to hire children, a modern day Tintin would run a clickbait YouTube channel, except the clickbait is 100% real every single time

he starts off as an irritating conservative pundit at 14, meets Chang then leaves the think tank paying him and launches his own independent channel and blows up shortly after. Chang helps with video editing and managing his socials and they often chat on video calls between adventures. Haddock, his foster dad, has absolutely no knowledge of his earlier videos.

[portraitoftheoddity]

One time in my early 20s I got really drunk at a party where someone handed me a stein full of what turned out to be moonshine from a barrel in some guy's garage and said "try this it tastes like pie" and a) it DID taste like pie, but b) only on the way down, not on the way back up, given it was something like 120 proof -- so my memories of the next couple hours are very vague but involve a bunch of ex-football players from South Boston walking me around the block in circles handing me bottled water trying to sober me up, and eventually because I was too shitfaced to get home but no longer puking my guts up and dying I crawled into the back of my car to sleep it off in a sleeping bag I kept there; but there was a guy at the party who was also sleeping in his car and this was Boston in the fall so it was like 40ºF out at night and anyway this other guy I met at this party who was a middle aged mercenary from liverpool who had served in the french foreign legion or something ended up knocking on my car door asking if he could huddle with me for warmth and I said yeah okay but there's only room for me in the sleeping bag so don't be weird about it, and to his credit he was not weird and we just slept in my car and in the morning he asked if I wanted brekkie and bought me dunkin donuts while I nursed the worst hangover I have ever had in my life then or since and trying to figure out whose heavy metal hoodie I was wearing and how I managed to leave this party with more clothing than I arrived in.

So if someone singing pirate shanties hands you a stein of mysterious liquid and tells you it tastes like pie, probably don't chug that shit.

[diezmil10000]

el alcohol quita la vergüenza

[curioscurio]

[yamujiburo]

Ugly

[All comics in order here]

[punkitt-is-here]

awesome drink coolstyle

[pigeonneaux]

the worst wolvie